But when I got to thinking about her little spiel—you know, milk being unnatural and all—I reckoned there were a lot of things we humans do that animals don’t. For instance, I’ve never seen an animal suck on a flaming stick filled with 69 known carcinogens. We’re talking acetone, ammonia, arsenic—and that’s just the A’s. When you put it down on paper, you can run the whole alphabet with the list of toxins they put in those things.
Then another example of things us and animals do differently came to mind. During an elementary school field trip to the zoo, I once saw a monkey pick its ass and eat it. Probably doesn’t taste any worse than cigarettes, but still, that’s just something that’ll probably earn you a ride in the backseat of a police car and an embarrassing headline if you tried it in public.